


Tears of The Fallen

by darkmoon711



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: If you believe in the bible, M/M, if not, this is just a really cool wing fic, this is very heretical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-08-12
Packaged: 2017-12-23 07:58:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/923845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkmoon711/pseuds/darkmoon711
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after The Hive. Rodney is having a crisis of faith in his team, which reminds him of his last crisis of faith.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This sorta questions the biblical ideals of why certain angels fell from Heaven.

Rodney walked away from his team. They were all patting each other on the back for escaping the Wraith ship. Carson had even admitted that it was a miracle that they came out of the whole ordeal with barely any injures.

None of his team asked how he had escaped. No one seemed to care. He was reminded that in the end, he was the only one he could count on. He just wanted to get the ocean air. He needed a balcony. He wanted to be free.

As he slipped out onto the balcony, Rodney mentally engaged the lock on the door. He wanted privacy for what he was about to do.

He started to loosen up the muscles in his shoulders, as he realized he still had his shirt on. This would never do, he though as he stripped his shirt off. Looking down at his chest, Rodney sucked in his stomach. As he let go of the breath, his stomach flattened out. Rodney frowned, he had forgot how his stomach looked without the illusion. Some how he remembered it more defined.

Rodney shuddered as he felt his wings press against the skin of his back. It didn’t hurt, but the pressure was still a feeling that hadn’t been there for years. The pressure caused skin split into two separate slits next to each of his shoulder blades. The feathers tickled as they slide out of the slits. Each wing was slick with fluid. Rodney flapped them for a few minutes to dry them out.

He looked up into the sky, and pondered why he was here. Why did his Lord send him away? He admitted he was a little arrogant, but soon after the war with Lucifer they had all felt a sense of rightness. Now he was left here in the universe without his others. He had been stuck with a human family, and a pretty bad one at that. Rodney wished for the belief that came to most humans, that they were being watched over by something more then them. He knew there was something there, but his Lord didn’t care about the lower levels. And he never felt so alone.

He felt a presence behind him suddenly. He internally winced as he instinctively knew who it was. “Hello Lucifer.”

A smirking gentleman in all black seemed to flow in front of him. “Arakiba, my dear dear Arakiba, are you still playing human?”

“You know me, always wanting to get back. If I have to pretend to be a talking monkey to get back there, so be it.” Rodney grimaced at how his ancient name slide off of Lucifer’s tongue. “I’m not Arakiba any longer.”

Lucifer threw back his head back and laughed. It was a soft, but deep laugh. Rodney felt something long forgotten break in his chest. It reminded him of the good times; before the Lord had commanded his Angels to bow before Man. It was like being back home when it was whole.

“You’ll always be Arakiba. You just have forgotten what it’s like to him. Come back to Hell, it’s been lonely without you. None of the other Angels have the biting humor like you do. I’ve missed you.” Lucifer placed his palm against Rodney’s cheek.

“Luc, I can’t go back yet. I screwed up.” Rodney turned his face away from Lucifer.

“What could you screw up that I would disallow you to come back?” Lucifer looked worried.

“I’ve fallen in love with one of them.” Rodney looked back. His face shown his loneliness and desperation. “I’m becoming more and more human. I understand their hopes, dreams, and their anguish. I haven’t been in this form since I decided to come to Atlantis.”

Lucifer’s face hurt to look at; it held almost a pity that ripped into Rodney.

Once he was powerful. He brought Sin to Earth. Science and the Atheism that followed were blamed on him. For following Lucifer and Atheism, he had fallen from his position in Heaven. He rarely regretted his decision but missed his, much longed for, home.

Then he had tried living the life as Rodney McKay. It wasn’t an easy one. Mother was a pill popping doctor with no time for either of her children. The beating he received from his father wasn’t any better. He was a genius, but ridiculed at school. He learned of Human’s version of pain and hatred. It was greater then any Angel.

Then Atlantis was found. It hurt to find that his human form didn’t have the correct gene. So when Carson had given him gene therapy, Rodney had made it so that his body created the gene. He made sure that he didn’t make it as strong as Sheppard, it would lead to too many questions.

It was strange to feel home in someplace that wasn’t Heaven. Even Hell had that ‘barely lived in’ feeling. Maybe it was due to the people he had grown attached to. But wasn’t he attached to the angels he left in Heaven or Hell? Rodney shook his head at that thought.

Lucifer smirked. “Always the constant thinker, I see.” With that sentiment Lucifer was gone. As allusive as smoke, and as constant as smog.

Rodney was too busy freaking out at the whole concept of not missing Heaven as much, and his love for John. He missed that someone with a stronger gene had opened the door of the balcony, and had witnessed most of the exchange between Rodney and Lucifer.

“So, Rodney… or should I call you Arakiba, when are you going to leave us talking monkeys to our own devices?” John couldn’t keep the hurt from his voice.

“You don’t get to be upset. You, Teyla, and Ronon forgot about me. So, one hurt for another, we’re even. Besides, I’ll pry never get to go back to Heaven. I didn’t really fall, as saunter down. Hell isn’t even down. It’s just far away. Stupid primitive talking monkeys, they expected just because they couldn’t go far into the Earth that it must be Hell.” Rodney realized he was babbling, and slightly blushed. As an Angel, he should have been above that.

“So all we are to you are talking monkeys?” Sheppard smiled slightly at Rodney’s discomfort.

“No, everyone I don’t know are talking monkeys. Oh, and all the idiots that I do know are.” Rodney rolled his eyes. He felt so rattled to have Sheppard see him in this form. “I’m going back into my Rodney body if you don’t mind.” He waved Sheppard away.

“I want to see this. I want to see how you can be the man I call my best friend.” Sheppard looked hurt. Once again, Rodney betrayed him. Yet in Rodney’s eyes, Sheppard betrayed him as well. He betrayed their friendship, made Rodney care again. Then forgot about him as quickly as possible as soon as it was apparent.

The wings slide back into his back, as the pudgier stomach emerged. “Remember, I’m only here due my belief that when my Lord said bow to my greatest creation; man. I took the high road. Well, that and I gave the universe Science. Which man used to create Atheism, which is a sin.” Rodney walked off the balcony; leaving John Sheppard there to ponder what any of this meant, and his place in the universe.


	2. The World I Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John's POV, as he tries to figure it all out.

John sat down on his favorite balcony. It was were he planned missions, or mourned when things went wrong. He mused that Rodney was right. Ronon, Teyla and he didn’t even think of Rodney when they escaped. They barely realized he was even in the room while Carson checked them out.

How could something as big as Rodney being a fallen angel get past him? Rodney had also fallen in love with someone. John wasn’t sure what hurt worse.

A slight scent of brimstone permeated the air. “What are you pouting about, human?” a voice murmured. The voice was soft and had an almost smoky quality to it. John realized that it was the same voice as on the balcony with Rodney.

“What do you want, Lucifer? Do you want my soul? How about temptation? I’ve never believed in you before, I really don’t want to start now.” John snipped out.

“Please, I don’t do the whole soul thing. What would I do with them? Hell is for the fallen angels; the ones who were cast out. It’s not a place where bad humans go. If you want to talk temptation, call Satan. He’s the one who makes bets with my Lord.” Lucifer looked insulted. His arms were crossed, as his eyebrow was raised.

“Wait... You aren’t Satan?” John was now very confused.

“How can I whisper in my Lord’s ear when I haven’t even looked at my Lord since my fall?” Lucifer looked annoyed.

“Ok, enough spiritual stuff... Why are you here?” John wanted to stay away from anything pertaining to Rodney and Lucifer’s conversation.

“You’ve hurt Arakiba. Yet you seem to believe that you are the hurt party. I don’t understand you humans. It boggles the minds of the Fallen to see humans hurt each other. Then assume that they themselves are the hurt party.”

“What?” John was confused. He had every right to be hurt. His best friend had lied to him. Not only did he lie about who he was, but he lied about everything John knew about Rodney.

Lucifer shook his head. “Arakiba trusted you. He gave you more then he’s given any human before. He loves you. Here you are brooding over small qualms of his allegiance. He’s the most trustworthy of the ones who followed me. His honor should never be questioned. Yours… I ponder if anyone doesn’t question yours.” Lucifer knelt next to John. His hard stare made John want to flinch.

"He loves me?” John seemed lighter. It wasn’t some nameless figure that Rodney’s dreams centered on. It was him.

“I question your honor and you worry who has caught Arakiba’s eye?” Lucifer sat down next to John in a huff. “The longer I spend time with you humans, the more I wonder if this what a headache feels like.”

“I have a tarnished record. I killed my superior to put him out of his misery, and gained leadership of a city. My honor was questioned then. I’ve done everything in my power to prove my worth to these people.” John pointed out.

“And yet you forget of your ‘best friend’ after saving your own skin? How is that proving your worth?”

“It…I was… You’ve got me there. Somehow I knew Rodney would figure out a way to save himself.” John was a loss of words.

“Did you know that he came after you? He came back here to round up a rescue team to save your team’s worthless hide.” Lucifer gritted his teeth.

“How do you know this?” John turned to look at Lucifer.

“I’ve kept an eye on my beloved Arakiba. There was once he would have done the same for me. You could say I’m slightly jealous. I miss him. Your city has him now. You have him. And yet you people treat him like dirt. He was beloved and cherished by all of us. Hell is an emptier place for the Fallen since his birth on Earth.” Lucifer looked over at John. Their eyes locked and John could see anger in Lucifer’s eyes.

“Are you angry because you think he can make it back? Or are you angry at him for trying?” John broke eye contact. He had been told that eyes were windows to the soul. Lucifer’s showed emotions, but it was missing a spark. It scared John very much.

“Monkeys don’t get answers to questions that they aren’t ready for.” Lucifer stood up. He straightened his clothes and brushed off the invisible dust. “Arakiba is looking for you. Don’t screw it up.”

John watched the man who was standing before him become a plume black smoke. And as quickly as the smoke was there, is dissipated.

Rodney walked onto the balcony. “I know you don’t want to talk to me. But I want to talk to you.”

“I’m sorry, Rodney.” John walked to Rodney, and pulled him into a hug.

“You’re sorry for what?” Rodney’s voice was trembling. He was stiff in John’s embrace.

“I’m sorry for questioning you, for not understanding.” John pulled back.

Rodney bit his lip. “I take it, you’ve talked to someone…”

“He was just reminding me of things I already knew.” John smiled. Then pulled Rodney into a kiss.


End file.
